How to Handle Unexpected Feedback? was originally published on Ivy Exec.
Let’s say you’ve just received your annual performance review. While many of the categories are positive, your boss offered unexpected negative feedback in an area in which you thought you excelled. You cycle through emotions: anger, then sadness, then confusion. What are you supposed to do with constructive criticism that feels out of the left field?
Here’s another scenario. You work hard on a project and feel that it’s almost finished. But then, when you meet your supervisor, they tell you that your work isn’t matching the expectations they outlined. You are shocked. You had no inkling that the project wasn’t fitting into the parameters you’d put in place.
Executive coach Tasha Eurich says that some people really don’t respond well to critique.
“I’ve seen just about every possible reaction to critical feedback. Some especially memorable responses have included punching a wall, accusing me of making their feedback up, and crying so uncontrollably that we had to reschedule the session,” she noted.
It’s never fun to receive unexpected negative feedback. But this guide will discuss how to accept criticism gracefully and then use it to improve.
☑️ Separate the negative feedback from your opinion of yourself.
Receiving a critique that you didn’t see coming can challenge your opinion of yourself. Perhaps the feedback was related to something you did well or considered one of your strengths.
If this is the case, then you need to spend time focusing on what you’re good at and who you are outside of this criticism. This practice can also mitigate feelings of anger or sadness that may have arisen after you received the unexpected negative feedback.
“Another technique is self-affirmation. Taking a few minutes to remind ourselves of another important aspect of our identity besides the one being threatened lessens our physical response to the threat and helps us be more open to critical feedback… When we see the bigger picture, it helps us put feedback in its proper perspective,” Eurich said.
☑️ Seek more information about when, where, and how you can improve.
After you sit with the negative feedback and feel emotionally prepared to respond to it, you should ask questions about when and where the behavior occurs. Does your team think you’re a micromanager only when you have deadlines looming? Or if your supervisor suggests your communication style isn’t clear, in what ways specifically does it lack transparency?
“When I receive any feedback, especially surprising feedback, I always ask for context. Feedback is essential for growth, but understanding the when, how, where, and why makes the feedback richer and more meaningful. The Center for Creative Leadership’s (CCL) SBI model underscores this, with the S standing for the situation, B for behavior, and I for impact. Getting all of these makes any feedback helpful,” Dan Ryan of Ryan partners told Forbes.
The key here is to make sure you are curious about this feedback, not antagonistic. If you’re still harboring anger, questions like these could come across as if you’re questioning the feedback or are trying to dispute it.
☑️ Consider whether you’re ready to accept the feedback – or if you need more opinions.
There are many reasons that someone might offer you feedback other than out of an interest in seeing you improve. Or, even if the feedback was given sincerely doesn’t mean that it’s the feedback you want to take. You might disagree or find it inaccurate.
Perhaps instead, you want a second, third, and fourth opinion! Eurich calls these individuals “loving critics,” who have your best interest at heart and can let you know whether or not feedback was justified.
“Loving critics don’t necessarily need to be people we’re close to (even complete strangers have strangely accurate perceptions of our personalities),” she said.
☑️ If you feel like you’re not set up to succeed, talk to your manager about how you’re set up for failure.
Sometimes, criticism is hard to take because you don’t feel like you could have succeeded. Perhaps you didn’t have all the resources you needed, or your manager didn’t meet the deadlines you set out together.
So, consider discussing the criticism and what you would need to be able to perform your role more successfully.
“Your job is to play an active role in the expectation-setting process. Do not simply accept that dog-of-a-project without at least attempting to clean it up a bit,” said career coach Chrissy Scivicque for Ivy Exec.
☑️ Ask for feedback regularly so you’re more prepared to receive it.
Negative feedback is particularly disturbing when you don’t expect it. So, to avoid getting too far along on a project or going without feedback for a year in between performance reviews, consider scheduling regular check-ins where you can ask specific questions about your performance and progress.
“When you go out of your way to ask others in your life for honest feedback, it allows you to get comfortable with constructive criticism. Additionally, asking for feedback more often means that you’ll receive it in smaller, more manageable portions,” advised Masterclass.
Handling Unexpected Negative Feedback
When you’re not expecting it, negative feedback can feel like a punch to the gut. But when it happens, you should aim to keep your emotions in check, waiting until you’ve separated your emotions and self-conception from the negative critique.
After you’re ready to talk about the feedback you received with the person who gave it to you, you can ask questions that will help you use the criticism more effectively. Alternatively, you should examine the feedback carefully to determine if it’s justified or if you need to seek working conditions that set you up better for success.
Worried that you might respond badly if you’re criticized during a performance evaluation? Read our guide on keeping a level head.
